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masquerade
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Post: #1
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masquerade
hey every one I've been told by a professional that i have chronic depression and that i need to tell people so i figured its always easier to express your self on the internet so this is my first step to helping my self is the best way i know how and that's through a poem please don't be afraid to tell me what you truly think:
masquerade I'm great, fine, spectacular. In a way I relish every night, and I live every day. I live, I laugh, I write, I sing, I wonder what the new days will bring. Then I get home, and I take off the mask. The day, and almost impossible task, Is finally over, and so I lie Down, and wait patiently for the day that I die. I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep, even though I have promises to keep. I wait, and wonder, and cry some more, And I ache and burn from my very core. Then, I'm not alone, and the mask reappears: Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears, As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day. A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey. Of course I'm not okay, I'm not fine, No matter how much I seem to shine. I don't even know why I feel this... Why my existence is one long, endless abyss. But it is, and will be, so I cling to life, As one day I might slip, and end it with a knife. But, I'm still here, no matter what my dreams might say And I hope that one day I will actually be okay. [you must login to view images] [you must login to view images] [you must login to view images] |
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Post: #2
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I personally think that your poem is very good, as the lines flow easily with the poem, though there are a few improvements you could make which are pretty important when writing a good reflective poem.
1. Try to add more intricate details of your feelings in the poem, and add more depth, as right now you are only writing vague stanza's, not properly explaining your feelings. 2. Try to experiment with different stanza's/types of poem, like couplet stanza's or repetitive poems. Also, i hope you can overcome your chronic depression by continously showing your feelings through expressive ways, as you have here in this poem. Spoiler: |
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Post: #3
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Wow. I've finally found someone like me! That poem was amazing!
I am also Riahbird. I really like to RP!
[you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shim! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks AmyR! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Blue! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shinxey! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shinxey! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shim! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shinxey! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks AmyR! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shim! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shim! [you must login to view images] ^Thanks Shim! |
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Post: #4
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Really nice poem. :) The lines flow really well.
[you must login to view links] <---Best contest answer ever!
[you must login to view links] <--- [you must login to view links] <--- Dre iz big fan. [you must login to view images] ^Thanks ABOMINATOR [you must login to view images] ^smol grape boi Spoiler: |
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April 02, 2015 7:49:05pm (This post was last modified: April 02, 2015 7:49:59pm by Wingstar.)
Post: #5
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masquerade
The poem had a very good flow, like others have said before me. I hope you are able to someday shine on the inside as well as the outside. :Hugs:
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